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Extreme Elvis circa 2002
Anybody know about Extreme Elvis? Found out he existed one day from my buddy Nick. I was still sober at the time and we were trying to find something to watch that wouldn't bore me to tears, so he pulls out this DVD called Burn My Eye! and pops it in his Xbox 360. We had to get his little brother Tay to help us navigate the menu (whoever was making this in the Bay back in the day clearly never thought anyone would be watching this shit...) and he puts on the first episode. "Extreme Elvis Interviews The Locust!". Within 30 seconds of this starting Locust groupies(which what the hell does that even mean? Nobody cared about them back then and the only people who do now are those like yours truly!) are jumping on EE and flashing their boobs for the camera, prompting the man himself to shove them off in unceremonious fashion. Nick was crying his eyes out laughing and I didn't really know what to think, until EE began pissing on the Locust's bass player while reading his scathing review of their show of a crumpled piece of printer paper. At this point Nick gave me one of those "What the Fuck is THIS?" looks, before slowly pivoting his head back(a la the exorcist) so that his eyes were once again transfixed on the screen. At this point I was hooked. A brief excursion on the WayBack Machine yielded EE's old website, which was supposedly shut down by the FBI in 2006. (I have my doubts toward the veracity of this notion but that is for another edition of Op-Ed AKA My Thoughts Are Better Than Yours). Anywho, about two weeks later I decided that Extreme Elvis would be a hell of a lot funnier if I were piss drunk while watching (as the man himself surely was while performing), and that's the story of my first and only relapse. Not to say that I'm sober now, I just don't have a problem anymore. How could I abuse drugs and alcohol when I love them so much?! My opinion/Thought [That Is] Better Than Yours: Extreme Elvis would have thrived in the Web 2.0 age and it's a damn shame he never made it here. The man was too pure for this world, and he was sure as hell better than whatever YOUR favorite band is. - September 26th, 2024